Restless Mind

Restless, like always.



Exhausted and still seeking more growth, more challenges, new and different opportunities. Sometimes, I wish I could just hold still and be content. Be one of these people happy with just enjoying the present moment and absorbing it all.

Instead, I am 5 months pregnant (with a toddler at home) and yet I am always looking at ways to enhance my current career (perhaps even redefine my path), be more philanthropic, pursue education and experience in marketing/social media and press further into God.

Is this normal? If so, why is it that people keep telling me I am doing too much…trying to hard? Shouldn’t I be able to have it all - the kids, the husband, the career, the social life. That’s the American dream isn’t it?

And what if I quit trying? Will I miss the big destiny that I was born to fulfill? I can’t help be feel like there is something I was specifically created to accomplish. Like I have a unique set of talents that is needed to make the world better…but for the life of me, I can’t seem to figure out where my focus should be.

As I said, I am restless….either that, or just hormonal. =)

Does God Change His Mind?

Can you believe that tomorrow is October? Time certainly flies when you are having fun (or working too hard...)
Tonight, I lead our bible study group on the topic of prayer. How appropriate that this week’s reading entitled, “Does God Change His Mind?” compares our petitions to God with that of a child to a parent. With Jocelyn old enough to CLEARLY verbalize her requests, I understand this analogy:

Jocey - Mommy, can I please have ice cream

Loving Mother – If you finish your dinner

J – But I don’t want dinner, I want ice cream

M – I love ice cream too, but we need other things in our belly to make us strong

J – I don’t like other things, I like ice cream

M – Clear your plate

J – (Hands clasped over eyes, quiet sobs, food on floor)

And so it goes - me denying each request for her benefit – Jocey not mature enough to understand why. All the while, we continue. At the end of the day, she can’t live off ice cream. She has to eat well balanced or she can never grow up to be Your Honorable Jocelyn Rose Shrader.

Regardless of my wisdom or certainty that my way is best, every now and then, when she makes her request ever so sweetly, and when I know realistically breaking the rules now and then is good for the soul, I give in. I change my plans to bring my baby joy.

That’s what I think I have discovered through this particular lesson. We may not understand why God says no or is unresponsive to our deepest requests. The ones we bring to him repeatedly and passionately. We might think, He’s God, He knows how it will all play out so prayer is a waste of time.

And yes, God is unchanging. He is LOVE and as such cares about us and all we care about. That will not change. It’s because of this unchanging love that I believe he will “give-in” now and then and act in ways he may not have if we hadn’t taken those important steps of faith through prayer and acknowledging that we are not in control.

Hairbow Madness

So, Jocelyn started keeping the hair bows in her hair...yay!!! I am very excited. It means I can now buy hairbows...wrong, the things are 6 bucks a pop! No worries. I am crafty. Mommy is now making hairbows for less than 20 cents a piece and Joceyln is being such a good sport.
What else is going on this month? Well, Cory got a big time new job that he has to fly to Covington, KY to train for. This means Jocey and I will have some wonderful girl time while Daddy gets a break from the heat.

Also this month, is my birthday, my mother-in-law Sari's birthday and Father's Day. Wow, will we be busy!

The best Mother's Day a girl could want

I am a lucky, lucky woman. This Mother's Day I was blessed with many special moments that I hope to carry with me always. The weekend started with a Mother's Day Tea with my baby girl. She sang me a special song, brought me cookies and turned the teapot lids into cymbols. I was overcome by her cuteness.



On Sunday, we traveled out to Beach Comer and placed Grandma's ashes on the same beach as Grandpa. It was a nice, windy day...perfect for kite flying. Being at that beach certainly brings back a lot of memories. Grandpa catching a sting ray...Grits in the Camper...Cory being afraid to drive at night...flying kites with Grandma. We'll have to be sure to create those memories for Jocey.

After the beach, we (Crosby's & Cheathams) had lunch in St. Augustine. We spent the rest of the day shopping and playing at the fort.

The CLAN

Why Walk When There Is Grandpa?

Jocelyn & Cory in Front of the "Tower"

(Please excuse the mustache in the last one...it's Mustache May you know...)

Happy Mother's Day to all those hard working Mommies!!!

Fun weekend at the Zoo

After working 12 days straight, a day of fun with the world's sweetest little girl was in order. We visited the Jacksonville zoo (which was nearly empty at 9am) and saw birds, monkeys, giraffes, penguins and more. Here are couple of snapshots of our day.

Jocelyn next to the ape.

Jocey wanted to ride each animal including a seahorse, zebra, elephant and alligator. In the end, she went with the king of the jungle.

It is amazing how close these birds would let you get. Here she is waving at her new friend.


Our final adventure, was the train on the zoo with grandpa.

What a great weekend. The rest of the day was spent doing household choirs, including some spring cleaning. We moved Jocelyn's "tower" into her bedroom and filled it with all of her animals. Now she loves to run away from me and hide inside with her friends.

Back to the Beach

This past Friday, we headed to the beach for some family fun. Now, as a two going on five year old, Jocelyn loved asserting her independence as she explored the empty beach. Here are some photos of our day.

Mommy buried in sand...(we buried daddy first, but his "sculpture" was not G-rated, so all you get is me....

and of course, Jocelyn wanted to join in on the fun!

Here she is crying because she's two...and let's face it, that just what two year olds do.

Can you believe how big she's getting...and how cute is that bathing suit....

I hope this summer we can plan for many more of these days ahead!

Harriet Oliger

Grandma passed away Wednesday morning.

I cried, got mad and made Noodle Kugel with Ricotta Cheese. I was/am a mess. I really believed that God would heal her and now struggle with the fact that even though he can, he doesn't. Even with this anger have have towards God (don't worry, I hear He's big enough to handle my angry heart), I am well aware that she was a blessing. That many go through life without the precious moments to pull them through.

Grandma made dinner for me nights Cory had class. I worked so hard, she'd say, taking care of a baby and working.

Grandma made anyone feel welcome. Come to her home with a hungry stomach and not only would she feed you, but send you out the door with arms full of leftovers. In fact, I'd just have to hint at having a Saturday free and she'd be organizing a Saturday breakfast for the entire family.

Grandma taught me to quilt, to make magic out of ordinary things, to appreciate the creativity is small crafty items.

Grandma was special. She loved my baby. She loved my husband. I am going to miss her. Miss playing cards. Big family get togethers at her house. Miss the camper and flying kites at the beach.

I will probably be sad for a long time that she won't see Michael get married or Jocelyn grow up. She'll never hold my future babies...G.G.'s girls (or boys). But it's okay to be sad. Being sad makes you realize what you had and I know exactly what I had and will praise God even today for giving her to me as a gift.

The memorial service for Grandma will be at 2:00pm on Sunday at Hardage Giddens Rivermead, 127 Blanding Blvd, Orange Park, FL followed by a get together at Mom's place 257 Whispering Woods, Orange Park, FL 32003.